i met this girl

who had her entire college transcript tattooed down her back. that way, when she was fucking an admissions officer, they could judge her on several performances at once.

"so they can see me with more of a gestalt," she said.

i questioned the grammar of that sentence until i had her bent over and i saw her english grades.

she even went so far as to have a replica of her school's seal of authenticity tattooed at the bottom on her right butt cheek (i'll spare you any dastardly puns about her cum laude status).

i was going to ask myself where i found these women, but then i thought of how terrible the answer might be.

she was a tragic figure on many, many different scales, but to me, the saddest thing was that she didn't seem to understand that the days of needing to fuck one's way into higher education were a thing of the distant past, especially for a half-Lebanese, half-Syrian female trying to get a master's in educational psychology.

where do i find these women?