ain't my beeyatch

this weekend's dose of drama takes me back a decade, back to when me and my first gf were watching "gremlins 2" in the living room at my parent's house. gradually, somewhere around the time Gizmo was saying "uh-oh" for the seventh time, the intensity of the murderous muppets overtook us and together we fell from our edge-of-the-seat sitting posture to that of a more i'm-losing-consciousness-in-the-way-that-can-only-be-induced-by-the-plotholes-of-an-overproduced-hollywood-sequel
variety (namely, spooning). as if summoned by some sort of mormon-mother morality sixth-sense, within two minutes, my mom waltzed into the room. i was a little concerned about her
reaction, considering i had never tested the waters of horizontal PDA before.

oddly, my mom responded by remarking about how cute we were, and even went so far as to take a picture of us "looking so cute."

then she got typical.

later that night, after my gf had gone home, my mother sat me down and told me how disappointed in me she was for being so brazenly disrespectful by doing such an immoral, unchaste thing in her home. after a half-hour lecture, she ended with tears in her eyes and venom in her voice as she told me that i cared so little about the sanctity of her home and opinions that i was so thoughtless of God, my family, and our beliefs that i'd probably "have sex with her right on that couch, defile my house, and not think twice about it."

they say opposites attract. i am inclined, however, to disagree.